After childbirth, especially if you had a perineal tear or episiotomy, intimacy may feel very different. Some women experience pain, discomfort, or even a complete loss of desire. This is common and normal, your body (and mind) are still healing. With the right care and support, it is possible to restore comfort and confidence.

Why Sex May Feel Different After a Tear

Several factors can play a role:

Scar tissue sensitivity: Scars can feel tight, tender, or hypersensitive.
Pelvic floor tension: Muscles may remain protective and overactive after trauma.
Hormonal changes: After birth, estrogen and testosterone levels drop, and if you’re breastfeeding, they stay lower. This often means less lubrication and lower libido.
Fatigue and mental load: Sleep deprivation, stress, and caring for a newborn leave little energy for intimacy.
Fear of pain: Anticipating discomfort can cause involuntary muscle tightening.

👉 You are not “broken” ! These are normal physiological and emotional changes.

What’s Normal and What’s Not

Normal: Lower libido in the first months, vaginal dryness, mild tenderness, or emotional resistance to sex.
Not normal: Persistent pain, burning, tearing sensations, or emotional distress that doesn’t improve with time or support.

💡 Most importantly: you should only return to sexual activity when you feel physically and emotionally ready. There is no deadline, and no pressure.

What You Can Do

1. Scar Massage

Once healed and cleared, gentle perineal scar massage can improve flexibility and comfort.

2. Pelvic Floor Physiotherapy

A physiotherapist can help release tension, guide relaxation, and provide tools like dilators or breathing techniques.

3. Lubrication & Moisturising

Use water-based lubricants to reduce friction.
Vaginal moisturisers or local estrogen therapy (if prescribed) can reduce dryness linked to breastfeeding.

4. Respect Your Timeline

Intimacy does not have to mean penetration. Start with closeness, touch, and affection.
Take the time you need: for some women it’s weeks, for others months.
Communicate openly with your partner and remember: consent includes yourself ! You must feel ready.

When to Seek Help

Consult a professional if you have:

Persistent pain during sex
Severe dryness despite lubrication
Emotional distress or loss of intimacy causing tension
Difficulty relaxing pelvic muscles

Sex after a perineal tear may feel different, and libido changes due to hormones, breastfeeding, and fatigue are completely normal. You are not alone, and there is no rush. With scar care, pelvic floor physiotherapy, open communication, and self-compassion, comfort and desire can return in time.

✨ Need support in your recovery? Book a session at Renard Clinic with our women’s health physiotherapists Mathilde for personalised guidance in scar healing, pelvic floor relaxation, and safe return to intimacy